 The
Cat's Meow
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| Issue 13, vol 5 | The Christmas Cat | December 24, 2006 |
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The Twelve (Cat) Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas when I brought home my tree On the second day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the third day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the fourth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the fifth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the sixth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the seventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the eighth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the ninth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the tenth day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the eleventh day of Christmas I saw beneath my tree On the twelfth day of Christmas I looked at my poor tree Author Unknown Reprinted from the editor's personal email
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Stories, poems, recipes, articles...lots of cute cat pictures from our archives...and a new kitty video that a friend shared with us. Silent Night, Kitty Night (a video from our friend Marc Gunn (the human part of "The Dubliner's Tabby Cats"...get their CD, Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers here )
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Barbwire Cats |
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 This picture is shared all over the internet. We found what may be the original image at http://www.tatfoundation.org |
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Part One: Clayton’s Story (continued from previous issue) In 1941 The Great Attack came to Barbwire, California. This attack was a boundless ocean of rats and Barbwire was going to need every single kitty-cat it could get its hands on! Before the Rat-War, there had never been any cats in Barbwire. Now, not only were they here, they were genuine, honest-to-goodness celebrities ... Here in Barbwire, the Sheriff’s Office doubles as the Animal Control Office. And just like human jails, it is always overcrowded. Whenever I’m at the station, I always stop by the doggy-jail to see who got busted, and to make sure they have food and water. So when I saw a huge tiger-striped tom-cat in the Maximum Security cage, with two Pit-Bulls, and a Doberman, I guessed right away that THE CAT was the thing that didn’t belong ... Installment 8 Looking back, I have decided that this cat must have used some kind of secret Doggy-Mind-Control-Technique to convince the dogs that he wasn’t really there, because none of the dogs were paying any attention to him at all. He didn’t have any Pit-Bull & Doberman attack-type injuries (injuries like those are easy to spot) and I could tell by looking at him, he wasn’t even a little bit afraid. If I had to describe it, I’d say he looked bored and disgusted. He was just laying there among the dogs, doing his time. I yelled for Sean to come here a minute. He came over and I pointed at the cage. “Hey, Inspector Clouseau!” I yelled, “There’s a cat in there!” ... It was obvious by the look on his face, that he’d been afraid that I would notice the cat. “I know.” He said sheepishly. I took a step forward toward Sean. I Felt anger flaring up inside me. Anxious to shift the blame, Sean blurted out, “Navarro put him in there, not me!” “You’re telling me that Deputy Navarro just threw him in there with those dogs?” Sean rubbed his chin and shook his head, “No, there were different dogs in there then.” “What!” How long has he been in there?” “Hmm, let me see, today’s Friday, right?” He counted on his fingers.” Five days.” “Five days, Sean? Why? Why the…why did he do it?” “Look, Clay, if I tell you what happened, do you promise not to get all crazy? I know how you are about cats.” “No, I don’t promise. But Sean, why don’t you go ahead and tell me anyway.” Sean started talking, “OK, last Monday night we got a 911 call from some guy. He’s screaming, ‘Help! Help! Get it off! Get it off.!’ Cathy couldn’t get anything else out of him; he just kept screaming, ‘Get it off! Oh Sweet Jesus! Get it off!’ Stuff like that, over and over. So she had to pull up his address from the 911 computer, then she dispatched Navarro and Garland to the guy’s house. When they rolled up about two minutes later, the front door was wide open and they can hear the guy inside, still screamin’ “Get it off! Please God! Get it off!” “They had no idea what was going on inside the house, so they went inside ready to Rock & Roll. Well, here’s the guy runnin’ around in little circles, with this big fella here,” He pointed at the cat in the cage, “attached to his head like a stapled-on toupee. The guy sees Navarro with his Glock in his hand, and starts yellin’ ‘Shoot it! Shoot it!’ They told him, ‘Sir, try to calm down, we can’t shoot it because we’d hit you too.’ The guy starts pleadin’ with them, ‘Please, please, I don’t care, shoot it anyway, please! Oh God!’ So they inched up closer and they could see that this cat has all six thousand claws jammed real deep into the guy’s bald scalp. Then they see that the cat has got his fangs all the way through the guy’s ear, really munchin’ on it, and it’s shaking its head real hard, like its tryin’ its level-best to rip his ear off. Blood everywhere.” “Wait a minute, Sean. Is this one of your bu…?” I was interrupted. “Clay, I swear, I’ll even show you the report!” I could see it was true. “So then what”? I asked, no longer sure if I really wanted to know. “Navarro and Garland get up real close and start tryin’ to disconnect the cat from this guy’s noggin. But when they almost had it off, the cat decides that Navarro must want some too, so he lets loose of the guy’s ear, and…what’s that artery called in your wrist? You know the one. “The Radial Artery, will you please go on?” “So this cat sinks both of his top fangs into Navarro’s Radial Artery, and won’t let go. And now Deputy Navarro is the guy who’s screamin’, “Get it off! Get it off!” So while Garland’s runnin’ back out to the unit, to get his “Hazardous-Materials” gloves, Navarro’s got this cat dangling from his wrist like a giant charm bracelet. Navarro’s tryin’ to get his gun back out to shoot the cat off him, but he’s in so much pain, he starts to feel like he’s gonna faint, so he can’t get it out of the holster. Garland finally comes back with the gloves and gets a hold of our friend here without getting bit or scratched, but when he yanks the cat away from Navarro’s arm, he jerked it too hard, and that artery broke or ripped or something. Man, I heard the blood was really shootin’ out, squirt, squirt, squirt, three, maybe four feet!” “Unreal.” I said. “Then what?” “An ambulance took Navarro and the Civilian to the hospital. And Garland brought the cat here. He just put the cat in a regular cat carrier, and left it here. Then went back to interview the Victim’s Wife. She tells Garland that it all started when her husband tried to get the cat off of his lawn. The cat didn’t wanna go. So the guy threw a stone, and hit it right in the ribs. But the cat just looked at him and still wouldn’t leave. So Einstein decides he’ll chase it off. He starts runnin’ toward the cat, stompin’ his feet, yellin’ and wavin’ his arms. But instead of the cat runnin’ away, it starts comin’ toward the guy! The wife said it was the scariest damn thing she ever saw, the way this cat was hoppin’ and bouncin’ sideways toward her husband. Like some kinda Cat-Quon-Do martial arts thing.” “Sideways, Sean?” I asked. “That’s what she said. She said he was moving toward her husband kind of hoppin’ and bouncin’ sideways! I don’t know.” Sean paused to think about the cat sideways-hopping for a second, like it reminded him of something, and then he continued, “So now the guy realizes that our friend here,” Sean motioned at the cat in the cage, “is really into the whole fight idea. So he turns around and tries to run back into his house, shrieking for help like there’s a two-ton Bengal Tiger after him. But the psycho here catches him and climbs up his back to his head, and that’s when the guy called 911.” “Why didn’t the wife call?” I asked him. “Personally, I think she was laughin’ too hard”, he said. (Continued in the next issue of The Cat's Meow) David Perry lives in the High Desert of southern California
with his two cats, Psycho and Lupe. His first novel "WHISPERING CATS" is due out mid-year 2007. |
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