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Dear Friends and subscribers, this is a very special issue of THE CAT'S MEOW. It is not usually my way to reveal myself and my problems to others, but I am doing so at this time...because I need your help and support. Next week will be Valentine's Day, that time in which we celebrate the love of Man and Woman, joined in the relationship our Creator has ordained for us to have. We are meant to care for one another, tenderly, to help each other through the pain of this life...but, our lives are not always blessed with caring relationships. Love ends...or is found not to have been as we thought. I know some of you, out there, are suffering the loss of a love. My sympathies lie with you; I know how this hurts. I have suffered it, too.

February is a very hard month for me to endure. Six years ago, in my 38th week of pregnancy, I was forcibly delivered of a still-born daughter. Due to the way the situation was handled, I will never again allow myself to suffer through another hospital birth!

In December, I found myself, again, most blessed with the child I'd hoped for since that time. I was overjoyed! That which I had prayed for so earnestly all these years had come to pass!!! But, in this past week, I have begun to bleed.... And, so, the month of February, for me, is not a celebration of Life and Love, but of Memorial and Requiem. For my much-desired and lost children, as well as for all of you who have suffered loss, therefore, I offer this very special issue of THE CAT'S MEOW.....

Should any of these gleanings inspire you to further investigation, be sure to visit our website for further information and helpful resources! As time allows, we'll be including the resources used to assemble this issue on the Body-Mind-Spirit page of our website....

Dear Beloved One

Lord, Thou art. And because Thou art, I AM.

Out of Thy timeless majesty Thou hast created the world and all that is therein. Out of the heart of Thy love, Thou hast created me, Thy child.

When I commune with Thee in the stillness, I sense depths in me that Thou only knowest. In Thy presence I am lifted up, I stand in Thy timelessness, I feel a part of boundless life, a part of an overwhelming love.

In the silence of my soul where I feel and know my oneness with Thee, I see myself as no person has ever seen me. I see myself as Thou alone hast seen me. I've grown tall in Thy presence. I grow wise in Thy light. I unfold in the brightness of Thy glory as a flower unfolds in the sunlight.

Lord, Thou art. Lord, I am. Lord, we are one. My life is hid in Thee. My spirit is imbued with Thy Spirit; my heart, my hopes, my human plans are desires are held safely in Thy care. Thy joyous song of life sings itself through me, and every part of me praises Thy most holy name and Thy most blessed Spirit.

THOU, FATHER, ART IN ME, AND I IN THEE. -- JOHN 17: 21

Reprinted from Fran's Inspirations

On Eagle's Wings

You who dwell...
In the Presence of the Lord...
who abide in His shadow for life,
say to the Lord: 'My refuge, my God in whom I trust!

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.
The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
and famine will bring you no fear:
under His wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.
You need not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day;
though thousands fall about you,
near you it shall not come.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.
For to His angels He's given a command
to guard you in all of your ways.
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And He will raise you up on eagles' wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

- Hymn -

Reprinted from http://american.fabpage.com/on_eagles_wings.htm

"Eternal is now the life of our beloved son, who travels with his ancestors in the Spirit-World toward the place where, soon, we shall all meet again! But...in this world, eternally silent is now his spirited voice."

(Thoughts from one of the Ancient Apulian People)

Reprinted fromhttp://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Acres/6627/child.htm

Colliding with Love on the Other Side of Life

1/31/03

It's 4:40am. I have been up working feverishly on my website- adding many new pages; enriching older ones- improving indexes, and adding crucial new content. You see- my brain has clicked back on after a two month slumber.

I feel good again. I am not dizzy anymore; nor am I famished and thirsty to no end. My focus is clearer- my breasts no longer tender- can you see it? Do you know what I mean?- I am not pregnant anymore... and the bloody mucous is beginning.

I am not alone this time. I am not unsupported this time. I do not feel black grief and bitter pain this time- I do not feel like a house of death this time... I can feel burbling stirring in my belly (my "reproductive heart")- I know what is in store for me... I know I will be holding blood in my hands, and turning my face to the sun for needed warmth and love. I know there will be cramping, and pain. I know there will be release... but I am not afraid. I am not alone... this time, I am loved... loved better by my husband, who has healed in many ways by being a stay-at-home dad. I know I am loved by God, so the pain is less deep.

Everything happens for a reason. My pregnancy happened- and in it I wrote many things I would not have done otherwise. I met many new people through my words... and felt new passions and power. I realized many fears, and conquered them; I cared for myself optimally- I learned more about herbs and nutrition. But now it's all gone... but having felt the arms of God around me once my bleakness is not so low- death is only a portal to the Other Side; coming and going into it is a heartbeat of time's awakening. As soon as the Life came to me, it has left me...

and...

My mind is clear again. My focus near again... I feel vigorous again, not so tired anymore... but the blood will soon come to me. I will hold in my hands the one(s) whom I would eventually have known... what will I see...

This time...

I will bury my baby. In my first miscarriage I entrusted my baby to my doctor (who threw her out in the garbage). In my second miscarriage there was no "baby"- just lots of blood and tissue (my sorrow was thinking I had "missed" my baby and she went down the toilet, despite my great care). Just as this pregnancy was carefully lived, the death of it will be lovingly ministered to. I will eat well (and that includes chocolate if I so desire), and drink lots. I will rest adequately, and be covered in love by my little children (this is very soothing in a miscarriage). I will take time off of work, and sit in the sun- and if it's raining, I'll look at the yellow flowers that I will have my husband go and get for me.

I will eat lots of grapefruits to prevent infection, and nurse my baby tenderly- feeding my almost-eleven month old girl will be soothing to me. I will ask my older children to observe me- to nurture me by caring for the younger ones extra, and making sure that clean up gets done. I will have my husband clean the bathroom. I will turn the volume down on my phone so I can't hear it ring (then let the machine deal with calls). I will remember that my body will cleanse itself beautifully on its own, no matter how long it takes (just as it had done twice before). In my observance of miscarriage I will know that I, even though this time was not meant to be, am a worthy conduit of Life- that my body is beautiful, and my future unnamed. I will remember that I am loved by my creator, and even in my pain am being held dear to her heart. A loving daughter is one who acknowledges the mother... and I acknowledge my Earth, my Birth- and I know that life is sometimes only meant to be for just a little while.

Yes it is- I was talking (crying) with my husband earlier. I said to him that many of the women who lose their babies to miscarriage and stillbirth share a common belief- that our babies who die only needed to be within us only long enough to feel unconditional love; that as soon as that earthly love is felt (as salve to the spirit) they are free to fly on; that babies- or whatever they are beyond our plane of reality- remain forever flying and alive in "death"; that is- are complete and able to become with the Universe through having the love of their mothers. it is a comforting thought.. that our love as mothers is so rich, so encompassing that only a little taste of it can nourish a soul completely.

And it is a comfort to know I have attracted this life, and have set it free. I cried when I told my husband earlier- "I gave the best love I know how to give!" And I did- all that nourishing food and gentle self-care was the pinnacle of my expression of love for my unborn child. And now he's gone... "they"- "she"- whoever it was... but another comforting thought to mothers is that we know we'll see our babies again. On the other side of life... we will meet them again.

My website is http://www.birthlove.com"> BirthLove- the only baby of mine that can never really die. Pass this column on to others if you want, so other mothers know that they are not alone in their pain.

Reprinted from Online Birth Center News

Truly Madly Deeply - by Savage Garden

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on
A new beginning. A reason for living. A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of...
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you...
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...

I want to stand with you on a mountain....

Reprinted from"http://www.geocities.com/~atlantatcf/Gerri_Brechtel/Gerri.html

Tears in Heaven Would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

Would you hold my hand
if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please...
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...

Would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

Reprinted from http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Acres/6627/poetry.htm

A Prayer to You

If we could have a lifetime wish,
A dream that would come true
We'd pray to god with all our hearts,
For yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back,
We know because we've tried
And neither will a million tears,
We know because we've cried
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too.
But we never wanted memories,
We only wanted you.

Reprinted fromhttp://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Meadows/2474/Trisha_Beristain/Trisha.html

Because You Loved Me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Reprinted from http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Meadows/2474/Darien_Brown/Darien.html

This song, we played for Stella Irene -- February 27, 1997

Elton John

Title: Blessed

Album: Made In England

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star form the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that
I promise you that
Promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star form the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that
Promise you that you,

You'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star form the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that
I promise you that
Promise you that
You'll be blessed

I promise you that
You'll be blessed
Promise you that
You'll be blessed
Promise you that
You'll be blessed

--- Transcribed by JSP (1995) Barcelona, Spain ---

Reprinted fromhttp://www.absolutelyric.com/a/view/Elton%20John/Blessed/

The Serenity Prayer

GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.
Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next. Amen

Reinhold Neibuhr-1926

Reprinted fromhttp://www.winternet.com/~terrym/serenity.html

Resources
http://www.grief.net/
http://www.griefjournal.com/
http://www.concentric.net/~Lismith/GRIEF.HTM
http://www.wade.org/online.htm
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

There are many other groups, resources, and websites; I have only listed a few...and will be researching more to include on the website. Many communities offer a group called SHARE, which can often be contacted through your local hospital. Do not grieve alone; it only makes the trauma longer-lasting and more severe! Talking about your loss with supportive friends or others similarly suffering makes healing come more easily, as does faith in a Supreme Force that does all things for our ultimate good; we cannot know until we are 'Home' why these little ones have been taken but, we can be sure that they are not suffering. We still have much to learn....

Until next week, that's all from THE CAT'S MEOW!

THE CAT'S MEOW would love to hear from you! We welcome all purrs, hisses, articles you've written or enjoyed (Please include the source!), and suggestions for new features on the website or in the newsletter!!! Send them to the editor!