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As a life
coach, one of my major purposes is to help people reconnect with
their natural capacity to love. Love heals. Love makes whole...complete.
Love is the energy of life.
Love is
not something we "fall into." Falling in love usually means losing
one's heart and brains over someone else. When we do that, we become
dependent victims of love, not active promoters of it. And in order
to sustain life on a holistic level, we need to consciously choose
to actively love. We need to become lovers.
As lovers,
we bring love's power into all life's experiences. We focus our
loving on ourselves, other people, the world, events, places, things,
activities, being alive, the whole universe, or God. Love becomes
like the air that surrounds us...the air that we breathe.
Being a
lover does not necessarily mean we need to start a long-term, committed
relationship with another person or the object of our love. It does
not mean we cling to, or agree with or submit to that other person.
It does not mean having sex with as many partners as possible. Rather,
loving means actively affirming and passionately valuing all of
life. Human love embraces the day-to-day experiences of life with
caring, warmth, appreciation, celebration and wonder. It approaches
being alive with wide-eyed curiosity and delight.
That is
why small children are so appealing. They are experiencing life
with new eyes, new sounds, new tastes, touch and smells. The light
in the ordinary child's eyes ignites in us the fire of natural love,
just for the joy and pleasure of it.
Unfortunately,
as our skills at loving mature, we often lose that natural child-like
ability to experience being alive as passionately as the toddler.
We become aware of the many qualities we have that we dislike, or
do not possess. We recognize our separateness and individuality.
We lose touch with our fundamental connectedness and unity. And
love is the force that brings separateness and polarities together.
When we
equate love with sex, we settle for a lot less than what love is
all about. Sexuality may be one way of expressing love. Unfortunately,
sexuality can also be expressive of violence and hate. Loving sex
is only one, rather narrow activity mostly fueled by inspiration,
passion and biological drive. It can be heavenly. But love is not
all heaven. Love has another half. The down-to-earth half. Love
affirms supports and sustains the daily chores, the hum-drum routine
of staying alive in the kitchen, on the job or in the street. It
is alive even when apparently overwhelmed with negativity and destruction.
Love serves
as a catalyst. When two people build a loving relationship, each
is challenged to discover and expand within themselves, those untapped
or forgotten capacities. Like rooms in an infinitely large palace,
there are areas in our being which have been closed off or never
discovered. Love invites us to open all closed doors and go exploring
all aspects of ourselves. When we do this, old habits, fearful and
shameful qualities that we may have shut out of our conscious awareness,
all come to light, only to dissolve and heal in the vast transformational
power of love.
Love certainly
has a spiritual side as well. All the religions of the world hold
love as central to their beliefs. With our emphasis on sex, we have
somehow lost the sacred aspect of romantic love. The Sufi's believe
that falling in love with someone or something you can never possess;
refines your passion and develops your character. The Jewish tradition
places the longing for, and the loving of God as the primary purpose
of all faith. Christian tradition refers to becoming the "bride
of Christ." Buddhism seeks to develop love and compassion as the
primary path to enlightenment and experiencing the unity of all
that exists.
Regardless
of our physical circumstances, when we love, we have a wonder-full
glimpse of the passion and joy of being fully alive.
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