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As a life coach, one of my major purposes is to help people reconnect with their natural capacity to love. Love heals. Love makes whole...complete. Love is the energy of life.

Love is not something we "fall into." Falling in love usually means losing one's heart and brains over someone else. When we do that, we become dependent victims of love, not active promoters of it. And in order to sustain life on a holistic level, we need to consciously choose to actively love. We need to become lovers.

As lovers, we bring love's power into all life's experiences. We focus our loving on ourselves, other people, the world, events, places, things, activities, being alive, the whole universe, or God. Love becomes like the air that surrounds us...the air that we breathe.

Being a lover does not necessarily mean we need to start a long-term, committed relationship with another person or the object of our love. It does not mean we cling to, or agree with or submit to that other person. It does not mean having sex with as many partners as possible. Rather, loving means actively affirming and passionately valuing all of life. Human love embraces the day-to-day experiences of life with caring, warmth, appreciation, celebration and wonder. It approaches being alive with wide-eyed curiosity and delight.

That is why small children are so appealing. They are experiencing life with new eyes, new sounds, new tastes, touch and smells. The light in the ordinary child's eyes ignites in us the fire of natural love, just for the joy and pleasure of it.

Unfortunately, as our skills at loving mature, we often lose that natural child-like ability to experience being alive as passionately as the toddler. We become aware of the many qualities we have that we dislike, or do not possess. We recognize our separateness and individuality. We lose touch with our fundamental connectedness and unity. And love is the force that brings separateness and polarities together.

When we equate love with sex, we settle for a lot less than what love is all about. Sexuality may be one way of expressing love. Unfortunately, sexuality can also be expressive of violence and hate. Loving sex is only one, rather narrow activity mostly fueled by inspiration, passion and biological drive. It can be heavenly. But love is not all heaven. Love has another half. The down-to-earth half. Love affirms supports and sustains the daily chores, the hum-drum routine of staying alive in the kitchen, on the job or in the street. It is alive even when apparently overwhelmed with negativity and destruction.

Love serves as a catalyst. When two people build a loving relationship, each is challenged to discover and expand within themselves, those untapped or forgotten capacities. Like rooms in an infinitely large palace, there are areas in our being which have been closed off or never discovered. Love invites us to open all closed doors and go exploring all aspects of ourselves. When we do this, old habits, fearful and shameful qualities that we may have shut out of our conscious awareness, all come to light, only to dissolve and heal in the vast transformational power of love.

Love certainly has a spiritual side as well. All the religions of the world hold love as central to their beliefs. With our emphasis on sex, we have somehow lost the sacred aspect of romantic love. The Sufi's believe that falling in love with someone or something you can never possess; refines your passion and develops your character. The Jewish tradition places the longing for, and the loving of God as the primary purpose of all faith. Christian tradition refers to becoming the "bride of Christ." Buddhism seeks to develop love and compassion as the primary path to enlightenment and experiencing the unity of all that exists.

Regardless of our physical circumstances, when we love, we have a wonder-full glimpse of the passion and joy of being fully alive.

Reprinted from PAG eNews Sunday Wit & Wisdom

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